Talking about Love before you mess up another Valentines Day

 Well we are getting to the end of another long and hideous January and Valentine's Day is on your mind - or not. Here are a few tips for you take em or leave em from a self proclaimed spinster. 

Does not matter how long you have been with someone even if it is only a week before V-Day Do not automatically assume you need to get a Valentines gift for them. That's right, you heard me, one week or two years you are screwed no matter what you do so playing it safe and getting nothing is the way to go. Trust me on this you go and get flowers or candy or God forbid jewelry you have just fucked yourself and not in the good way. Allow me to explain, if you get nothing you disappoint that is the best case scenario, worst case scenario is a life long sentence to unearned scorn, hatred, and don't forget retaliation. That's right, you didn't earn and don't deserve any of that but suck it up sweet drawers because that is the easy part. Still want to get a gift for the being that is your magical ONE of the moment? Okay, here you go. Men are expected to forget or ignore Valentines day married, single, dating, kindergarten loves, it is expected and women you're setting yourself up for crushing heartache and a life long disappointment in men.  It does not matter if you are sure your love interest is the one or you just met when Valentines day approaches play dumb be busy stay home and wash the toilet just stay out out of the gift giving arena. Unless you are a pro and by pro I mean a soulless evil succubus or incubus. Yes I just called you a sleep demon if you consider yourself a pro.

Before I get into the only semi safe Valentine's day gifts just know that even these are at your own peril. If you must though, stick with cheap chalky candy hearts and give out the whole box to each kid in the class or that one special person. Tastes like liquified and rehardened chalk dust and giving the whole box eliminates any confusion on the receivers part. Oh don't get too happy those cute little kindergartners will still hunt you down and wreck your life but it is a sort of a loophole you can use that they may forget by the time they are in their 30's, if you're lucky. Same with the cards the little kids cards that come in a box hopefully all the same, no showing any favoritism. All kittens for everyone don't be giving a special puppy one out or you are still screwed. 

By giving nothing you are a jerk,thoughtless, uncaring and a lot of other things but those will go away within a week or two and you can always make up for it somewhere down the line, whereas a gift in  that devious little toddlers mind or your adult love actually "says something" and it is never what you intended. Never. Nope Never.       Now let me show you by horoscope what could happen if you go the gift giving route against my advice. 

   Pisces- Get them flowers-well unless you are their mother screw you! Oh they will smile and thank you but, yea ,No. you will always be labeled as unimaginative and uncaring, tears will follow but not until your next fight which trust me is right around the corner. You fucking dick you know I'm allergic! (she's not but it does not matter) 

Aquarius- Give them any candy what-so-ever and your ass is grass! You know they are on a fucking diet what were you thinking!!?? And shut ya bitch mouth when she starts eating them. seriously.

Capricorn- a nice well thought out card with a personal message hand written. Well that is just great you cheap ass bastardo!

Sagittarius- Jewelry ok idiot you're locked in now if it's not an engagement ring and if it is it's not what I wanted and further more it does not matter if we are only in 3rd grade you take this dirty old pop tab ring back and get me a one of the ones that doubles as a sucker. Jerk face!!

Scorpio- Dinner out. Oh sooo so many things here Taco Thomas , try getting that hot sauce out ya eyes bub!

Leo- a nice walk leading to a pre planned picnic all set up. Very nice except it's winter way to go Einstein.

Virgo- Anything you get is wonderful except she will never forget that it is not what she told you to get and will bring it up every week for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Yes even after the divorce.

Libra- You sing her favorite song to her perfectly in front of every one who claps and cheers. Nice try you attention grabbing jerk I know that wasn't for me it was for that blonde skank waitress wasn't it!? Well answer me.

Cancer- Cook ware she has been wanting.  Oh you are a special kind of stupid aren't you.

Gemini- A $500 gift card well that would be great if it wasn't to the Dollar Tree. Jeeeez!

Taurus-Something big and expensive that you both want like a brand new car. Thanks for the electric car you dumb shit have you not noticed we live in the boonies 200 miles from a charging station.

Aries- a Snickers bar super sized as you get home late. Nice after thought bozo. And no I'm not sharing. You have a slim chance in hell with this one but very slim, do better next time

             

 

Small town bar and grills to visit this week

Endzone bar & grill Hwy 61 Rutledge Mn
 

 Squirrel Cage bar and grill Hwy 61 Willow River MN 

 Moose Tracks bar and grill at Banning Junction Hwy 123 Finlayson exit of 35

New menu

January 19,2025 Horoscopes-Cosmic Comedy

   Pisces- You hold contempt in your heart for the customer, pick another line of work for everyone's sake. Eat more donuts.

Aquarius- it is damn cold and you my friend are being a big baby about it. Seriously it happens every year get over it. Have a cup of coffee-Irish.

Capricorn- Go through your craft room and clean that shit up before you end up on an episode of hoarders. Really have you ever in your life finished even one project?! 

Sagittarius- You done already fudged up your diet, but don't feel bad so has everyone else and honestly you had no intention of following through anyway. You were drunk when you made the resolution. 

Scorpio- You never pay attention when people are talking and you have gotten along all this time so don't start now. Just keep nodding and smiling, everyone thinks you are a stoner anyways.

 Leo- Bust into your savings and get yourself something nice, you deserve it. Go ahead spend all $11.67 Maybe you can get a nice happy meal, that will cheer you up.

Virgo- aahh those gambling debts are coming due soon, no happy meal for you my friend. Better luck next week.

Libra- In your golden years you will wish you had children to take care of you, start working on that this week.

Cancer- Keep doing what you are doing and don't overthink it. Really don't what is the worst that can happen. Enjoy and don't look over your shoulder. Karma doesn't care right now. Mwahahahaha

Gemini- Buy donuts for everyone you work with this week. Yes you, do it skinflint.

Taurus- You were such a twat waffle to everyone last year, that shit gets old so stop it. 

Aries- lucky you!!!! 😏

Feed the squirrels even if it's against the rules.  🙈🙉🙊
   
 

How it really is

 Several years ago I decided to get a pet lady to keep us company around the house. She tuned out to be a real handful and actually renamed all of us as we were her pets. She calls me Steve and my partner Whitecakes. We let her have this little thing so she would feel like she was in control, but it has gotten a little out of hand. She actually has several names for all 5 of us that live here and silly little songs. To get things back in order we insisted the lady go out and get a job, you know earn her keep and contribute instead of laying on the couch all day and watching tv.. It has really helped us all as she has to be at work up to 8 hours a day and we get a little down time from caring for her. You would think 5 cats could handle one lady but she keeps us on our toe beans.  

  She gets home from work and immediately wants to start playing and then the snuggles start. Don't misunderstand we love to play and snuggle but the lady needs to learn that she has a role to play in this house too. She needs to first unpack the days groceries and open cans of pate' (first and foremost) and then bathe herself. We try and help her but she insists on running a tub full of water and immersing herself in it. My God what craziness pet ladies have, makes me think maybe a pet man would have been better. Then she takes up on the couch in front of the tv again almost until it is time for bed. Her bed time does not coordinate with ours but I guess  since she started work she does need to go to bed early. We have tried to get it through her head that 3am is play time but she seems a little slow. We will keep working with her on this, it is very important because morning pate' cans need to be opened no later than 6 am and very often she is late and sometimes doesn't open them until 5 minutes before she leaves for her job. This is a problem because she often isn't back to clean the morning barfs for hours. She doesn't seem to understand we like to keep a clean house and we often do morning barfs not just on the floor but in out favorite chairs and the bed. She is only making it harder on herself because it can take many hours of evening play time cleaning the furniture and bedding. 

We do all enjoy our girl but she is very disobedient and occasionally we have to bop her on the nose or give her a little bite. She loves playtime but does get a little overbearing thinking that bellyrubs are an approved activity, which they certainly are not! We did avoid one big problem by adopting a senior lady so there is no chance of babies, which is very important since she does like to socialize outside the home and sometimes will drag stray mens home. We try to keep it to a minimum as she and the mens are very loud. The stray mens also hog the whole bed and she refuses to tell them they have to leave until well after morning pate's. Oh well she is new to our house and we will give her time to learn to rules.   

 

2025 Ice climbing Robinson Park Sandstone Minnesota