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February 1 2025- February Folderol for the Love Fanatic

 

 February 1rst is here and you are running out of time to to get that perfect gift or gesture or come up with the perfect lie whichever one floats your boat and makes you - you. Love is blooming in hearts and minds everywhere causing your mind and body extreme  happiness or crushing anxiety. "Please don't stand within projectile vomit range" as Kermit from Mr. Mercedes might say.

Pisces-This is your least favorite holiday even on a good year so stock up on cigarettes and vodka and just go with the flow because this too will pass.

Aquarius-Try as you might being the overachiever that you are, you are just not gonna WOW on February 14th and that is okay you bring zing to the other 364 days of the year.

Capricorn- Get a goat and a little goat outfit for it. Make sure said goat is just finishing up a pretty piece of pink paper as you walk to the door of your love. This will show great effort on your part and earn you pity points for the loss of the epic poem you wrote.

Sagittarius- You, LoverFace, cannot lose.

Scorpio-Make sure your mouth is full at all times this week so whatever you say cannot be understood or used against you.

Leo-The week ahead for you is a mystery even to me. It is unknown with a chance of disaster on a small scale. Meaning the worst that can happen is a giant zit on the end of your nose.

Virgo- Your sultry persona cannot be resisted by anyone of the opposite sex. Stay home unless you have to go out lest everyone you meet falls instantly in lust with you.

Libra-You will feel extra giddy this week for no apparent reason which will draw the opposite sex to you, so be careful where you go and who you talk to. You are a silly little hedgehog everyone wants to try and cuddle with. This cannot end well for others.

Cancer-You will be at a loss of words of any use this week which is unusual for you but your tongue is tied and it is best to observe rather than wow with words right now.

Gemini-Don't use the stove this week try, and stay with the microwave. Not because there is any danger but because your cooking skills are sorely lacking. As a matter of fact microwave everything from now on or better yet order out.    

Taurus-Laugh off any mistakes you may make this week. Laugh at yourself, we are all laughing with you, Or at you, hard to tell but what we think doesn't matter. Remember that in the future.

Aries-Slow your groove hippy, you're putting off to much high powered yet scattered energy. Look lost it's a good look for you and meets others expectations.

   

  

Sandstone History Center

 Sandstone History Center photo credit

Valentines Day Candies for each astrological sign January 25th 2025

  Your sweet and irresistible love, makes the days sweeter and the nights whisper to you with cravings.  You yearn for the sweet and tangy juices swirling on your tongue and the chocolate melting in your mouth, the soft yet chewy caramel and never forget the puff of sugar the dissipates as it hits the warmth of your mouth and the sweet spongie squish of the marshmallow. These are the flavors of you one and only love,dearest to your heart. Tantalize your true love with the sweets that make her melt in your own hands.   

 

    Pieces-Chocolates in every form, the simplest pleasure of creamy milk chocolate as it slowly melts in your mouth. A rich and decadent treat that must be earned and can be taken away. 

   Aquarius- Candy canes and marshmallows soft and spongy sweetness with a side of a peppermint blast to keep you on your toes. A very special delight only for the special ones.

    Capricorn-Jellybeans a traditional treat with little surprises in in every one. Colorful little people with diverse personalities. Easy to please.

  Sagittarius- Fruit slices soft fresh and colorful as fun to look at as they are to eat but do their best when they are on display. 

 Scorpio-Candy corn a festive yet cloyingly sweet and sentimental almost annoying. Very special but not for every day.

Leo-Hard candy a long lasting and steadfast treat full of color and flavor and can be savored for long periods of time. May break your teeth if you are impatient and don't treat with respect.

 Virgo-Licorice bright and strong tough and chewy can be dark or colorful. Not for everyone. Love them of hate them but not a lot of in between. Clear and concise as choices go.

 Libra- Gummy bears a vibrant and juicy choice with a certain amount of staying power. May become addictive and needy. Somewhat childlike or immature. Can be fun and playful but may get stuck in your teethe and drive you crazy.

 Cancer- Maple sticks traditional and expensive seems stable but doesn't last nearly as long long as it's sweet promises. Consume with no expectations as you may be disappointed and left feeling empty. Can be overpowering in it's sweetness if you have to much.

 Gemini- Caramel is smooth and soothing melt in your mouth goodness with versatility. It can be extremely hard or soft and chewy. Pleases most everyone and is a bit of a showboater with it's morphing skills. You never know where you may find it.

 Taurus- chocolate cover wafers try to please everyone yet are mostly air leaving you wanting for something. They start out strong and then disappear. Can be addictive.

 Aries- soft and beautiful with a childlike whimsical attitude. Lures you in with sweet comforting aromas and unexpected delights yet disappears in no time leaving you with a desire for more. Much better to enjoy sparingly as it has no substance of real use other than getting you blood sugar up fast and then disappointing and leaving you wanting more.

   

Talking about Love before you mess up another Valentines Day

 Well we are getting to the end of another long and hideous January and Valentine's Day is on your mind - or not. Here are a few tips for you take em or leave em from a self proclaimed spinster. 

Does not matter how long you have been with someone even if it is only a week before V-Day Do not automatically assume you need to get a Valentines gift for them. That's right, you heard me, one week or two years you are screwed no matter what you do so playing it safe and getting nothing is the way to go. Trust me on this you go and get flowers or candy or God forbid jewelry you have just fucked yourself and not in the good way. Allow me to explain, if you get nothing you disappoint that is the best case scenario, worst case scenario is a life long sentence to unearned scorn, hatred, and don't forget retaliation. That's right, you didn't earn and don't deserve any of that but suck it up sweet drawers because that is the easy part. Still want to get a gift for the being that is your magical ONE of the moment? Okay, here you go. Men are expected to forget or ignore Valentines day married, single, dating, kindergarten loves, it is expected and women you're setting yourself up for crushing heartache and a life long disappointment in men.  It does not matter if you are sure your love interest is the one or you just met when Valentines day approaches play dumb be busy stay home and wash the toilet just stay out out of the gift giving arena. Unless you are a pro and by pro I mean a soulless evil succubus or incubus. Yes I just called you a sleep demon if you consider yourself a pro.

Before I get into the only semi safe Valentine's day gifts just know that even these are at your own peril. If you must though, stick with cheap chalky candy hearts and give out the whole box to each kid in the class or that one special person. Tastes like liquified and rehardened chalk dust and giving the whole box eliminates any confusion on the receivers part. Oh don't get too happy those cute little kindergartners will still hunt you down and wreck your life but it is a sort of a loophole you can use that they may forget by the time they are in their 30's, if you're lucky. Same with the cards the little kids cards that come in a box hopefully all the same, no showing any favoritism. All kittens for everyone don't be giving a special puppy one out or you are still screwed. 

By giving nothing you are a jerk,thoughtless, uncaring and a lot of other things but those will go away within a week or two and you can always make up for it somewhere down the line, whereas a gift in  that devious little toddlers mind or your adult love actually "says something" and it is never what you intended. Never. Nope Never.       Now let me show you by horoscope what could happen if you go the gift giving route against my advice. 

   Pisces- Get them flowers-well unless you are their mother screw you! Oh they will smile and thank you but, yea ,No. you will always be labeled as unimaginative and uncaring, tears will follow but not until your next fight which trust me is right around the corner. You fucking dick you know I'm allergic! (she's not but it does not matter) 

Aquarius- Give them any candy what-so-ever and your ass is grass! You know they are on a fucking diet what were you thinking!!?? And shut ya bitch mouth when she starts eating them. seriously.

Capricorn- a nice well thought out card with a personal message hand written. Well that is just great you cheap ass bastardo!

Sagittarius- Jewelry ok idiot you're locked in now if it's not an engagement ring and if it is it's not what I wanted and further more it does not matter if we are only in 3rd grade you take this dirty old pop tab ring back and get me a one of the ones that doubles as a sucker. Jerk face!!

Scorpio- Dinner out. Oh sooo so many things here Taco Thomas , try getting that hot sauce out ya eyes bub!

Leo- a nice walk leading to a pre planned picnic all set up. Very nice except it's winter way to go Einstein.

Virgo- Anything you get is wonderful except she will never forget that it is not what she told you to get and will bring it up every week for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. Yes even after the divorce.

Libra- You sing her favorite song to her perfectly in front of every one who claps and cheers. Nice try you attention grabbing jerk I know that wasn't for me it was for that blonde skank waitress wasn't it!? Well answer me.

Cancer- Cook ware she has been wanting.  Oh you are a special kind of stupid aren't you.

Gemini- A $500 gift card well that would be great if it wasn't to the Dollar Tree. Jeeeez!

Taurus-Something big and expensive that you both want like a brand new car. Thanks for the electric car you dumb shit have you not noticed we live in the boonies 200 miles from a charging station.

Aries- a Snickers bar super sized as you get home late. Nice after thought bozo. And no I'm not sharing. You have a slim chance in hell with this one but very slim, do better next time