Pisces- You run late on the regular mostly because, well too bad so sad,you got other shit to do. Why change now? Seriously don't change, no one will notice anyway. Stop and get the coffee and some donuts and maybe an extra lunch in case you work over time.LOL your not gonna work over time the extra lunch is for 2nd break after coffee break. Just relax! Enjoy.
Aquarius- WOW! Can you ever drink you been knockin back a case of beer a night on the regular and does it ever show! Try putting tea bags on your eyes when you go to bed at night....oops....I mean at 3 am when you pass out before work every night. Maybe just grow your bangs out wear a hat and sunglasses and pretending you are in mourning......because you will be.....for your liver.
Capricorn- Your feet stink, seriously see someone about that you're going nowhere fast if you don't fix that. Don't worry about any holiday date specifically New Years Eve because really? THose Feet!
Sagittarius- You are the picture of a stuffed shirt only with pizza sauce slopped all over the front but you haven't had pizza in a week. So basically you look like a slob and you're boring. Step it up Sag, get some new clothes and stop boring everyone with your dry work stories, no one cares.
Scorpio- Things will go better in your relationships if you would just stop insisting on sex on the floor in front of the TV. That in itself isn't so bad it's the fact that you yell out whenever your team scores. The best thing you can do put a paper bag over your partner's head at least that way they can't be sure that your not paying attention to them. Make it fun draw your team logo on the bag!
Leo- As the year comes to an end try and get it through your head that YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS. Not only are you not the boss of everything, you are not the boss of anything! You can't run the show for Pete's sake you can't even run your own life. Go buy some new shoes.
Virgo- Stop thinking everyone wants to have sex with you and cut back on the mashed potatoes and gravy for awhile. Wok extra hours through the holiday season even if your workplace is closed you should volunteer to come in anyway. Start drinking scotch on the rocks at home alone things will look up.
Libra- quit your job, learn Mandarin and go ice fishing. Also clean your house first, hoarding is not an activity. Better yet find someone with OCD to get your house in order because Mandarin is way above your skill level and you will need all the time and silence you can get. Give it full two weeks before you give up and move on to pig latin. Cancer- Stay home for three months and really think about what you have done, and don't sugarcoat it. Update your wardrobe frumpy butt other people have to see you. Don't be so selfish, get a python to keep you company.
Gemini- This week is not looking good, you will have screaming diarrhea but won't be able to call in sick. Suck it up and eat some cheese but stay away from pepper jack. When all is said and done by the time Christmas is here you will be dehydrated and want to eat everything in sight and sleep for days. Fear not this will all clear up by New Years and then, well don't worry to much not everyone can be a winner.
Taurus- Go volunteer at a homeless shelter You have enough so share the wealth and give back. Where else will you find people to talk to anyway because you have been mean and selfish all year and no one wants to listen to you anymore if you're not offering food. Get rid of those purple paisley leggings your not Prince.
Aries-You've got it made in the shade this week Aries, everything is going great with the exception of that nagging crazy itch you got going on in the nether regions. You will most likely need to get your barnacles scraped off but hey shit happens.
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