Pieces: 🌚 You obviously have no intention of cutting your binge eating so at least try and mix it up with alcohol to bring some balance to your life. Dilly Dilly!
Aquarius: 🌕Try not to trip over your ego this holiday season,it's a big ask but for your own benefit. There is a lot of pork in your near Future,save some bacon for the rest of us. Salty.
Capricorn: 💨you may as well get over the embarrassment and learn to live with the fact that you're a giant wind bag, you have air coming out of both ends and it won't stop anytime soon. Give up second breakfast and cabbage stew.
Sagittarius: 💞 you are in love with yourself and everyone knows it,it is what it is, just don't expect any surprise parties or gifts. You probably don't care though because you are the gift,right?
Scorpio: 😳Confused all the time and looking like a lost puppy,just stay quiet and go with the flow. Don't walk in a pig crossing zone and for the love of all that is holy wash your armpits.
Leo: 🦇💩You buy all your gifts from a sleazy convenience store in a bad part of town and it shows in every area of your life. Lay low after any holiday parties and have a slick exit strategy, people are sick of your shit, but you know they just need to lower their expectations......A lot.
Virgo: 🙈🙉🙊should be your motto but you just can't help yourself. Queens and Kings of sarcasm and misunderstood is what you are. Watch out for Henny Penny.
Libra:🖤❤️🩹🩵 stop playing victim it's old. You may run into a cow before the end of year,make the best of it.
Cancer:🥰😍🤩🙂🥲🥹😑🤔😱😡🤢🐶Yes this is your love life on repeat you fall in love at the drop of a hat and you whine constantly,save yourself the heart ache and get a puppy. Just don't neglect the puppy the way you do people,puppies won't put up with your shit. Better luck next year.
Gemini: 💯🛀 just relax,you can't fix it. Eat some pie. 🥧
Taurus:🌪️⚡☔🌀🌬️ you're just not gonna keep up don't even try,cover you head and wait for Spring.
Aries: lucky you. Or are you? 🌎♟️
